I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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