I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Randomize
