Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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