The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
cat food counts as protein by the way
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
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