you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
