Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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