Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
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