there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
