It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
