Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
You have to summon your inner elephant
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
