Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
