Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
They have beer where we have blood.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Randomize
