it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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