she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
