sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
