He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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