got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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