my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
