dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
