How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
