why didn't you poke me back
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
