Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
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