Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
