She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
