Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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