the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
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