dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
