Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
