Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
He kissed a someone with a penis
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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