Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
