I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
