I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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