Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize