he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
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i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
This baby is an asshole
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
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I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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