Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
