I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Randomize
