I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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