she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
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