She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
