the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
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