i may or may not be watching the land before time
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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