dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
