I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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