so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
