its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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