His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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