On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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