I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
