I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
