Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I puked a lego.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Houston, we have a blender
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
