Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
