i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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