so explain again why im purple
no
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Please don't give away my fajitas
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
