you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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