I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Put some vodka in it
put some vodka in it
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you