This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Actions speak louder than pants.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?