all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT