just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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