One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Randomize
