If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
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