Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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