we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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