Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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