I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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