I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
