i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
We have started to decorate penises.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
