im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
