I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
